Help Pantala
by MLG Larry
Summary: The better, more grammatically correct version of Help Pyrrhia. Also contains considerably more MLG. Press F to pay respects. New chapters when I feel like getting views.
1. Noice

Prepare for tense and perspective changes. You're welcome

"I'm as thicc as a friccin' hobgoblin animus!"

As soon as MLG Lorx heard those words, he leapt into his spare black hole he _had been saving_ for pudding. After sailing peacefully for a few minutes through several dimensions and realities, MLG Lorx decided it was safe to exit the impossible tunnel of darkness that was every colour at once. He uttered the magic words ("Chicken SSSSTTTRRRIIIIIIPPPSSS!") and was promptly launched into the centre of Wasp hive in Pantala.

"Mildly cool," MLG Lorx said bluntly and boredly.

All of a sudden all the dragons of Pantala were hovering above me They looked like they had no idea how they had gotten there, and almost everyone was screaming at the sight of the LeafWings.

I rolled my eyes and morphed into MLG, my true form. "AAAYYYOOOO! It's me!"

All of the dragons had perplexed expressions on their faces. Except Jesus of course - oh, and the FSM. They knew of the insanity was about to ensue. MLG rolled his eyes again, except this time he rolled them with such force that they rolled right out of their sockets, where obedient eyes should be at all times, and tipped the planet out of balance causing a huge earthquake to topple everything - other than Shrek's swamp - over. I hope you enjoyed that long sentence. Anyway, where was I? Oh - right, the bit where MLG consumed Anemone, Turtle, Stonemover and Peacemaker to increase the strength of his animus abilities from godly to Me and the Boys level.

Suddenly C'thulu burst seamlessly out of Queen Waspnamitrollmakerstalker's stomach in perfect chaos while singing: "I see what's happening here… you're face to face with greatness and it's strange. But what can I say except you're WELCOME!"

Suddenly Kthanid burst out of Kinkymoan's chest and began to sing, "SomeBODY once told me the wooooorld was gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest knife if your face!"

I saluted to them and then consumed the _Ramsay Brand Fricking Lamb Sauce_© while saluting some more to Donaldmir Putrump. He saluted back then morphed into foot to step on me, but I became a Lego brick just before he squashed me, impaling his foot.

"Z̠͇̲̳̙̳̖̹͙̥̣͙̞͊͌͆́ͪ̌ͨ̿̀ͪ̐ͅO͇̫̻̹͖̣̰̣͙̝̙̘̹ͧͣ͐̔̉ͤ̊ͫͪ͛ͨU̖̻̲̞̫̳̹̓ͨ̅̌̽̈ͯ̓ͤ̃C͔̘̪̻͓̼̺̳̞̫̪̼̤̘̗͍ͮ̔̀͋ͩ͐ͦ̈H̱̝͉̻̳̳͔̼̳͊̓̄ͨ!̝͎̻͎̱̰͔͉̤̹̙̫̗͓̩͓͍͈̋̅̒ͭ̐̏ͤͤ̎͌͛̓͋̌̌̆" it screeched in zalgo so it was hard to read the lines below and above it. Sundew then frustratedly consumed Willow in act of war against Jones' Barbeque and Foot Massage.

"Aha!" I announced. "You have fallen victim to one of the classic blunders: THE END OF THE CHAPTER!"


	2. Noicer

MLG NOICE

_Author's note: MLG PRO _

As the thing went "SKRRRRRR" the wall suddenly got ten feet (screw the eagles per donut system, but I couldn't be bothered converting it) higher and the lights turned off.

MLG Turd Hurd yeeted his existence out the window while I consumed innocent souls for Satan to extract from me and consume himself. David Attenbrough and Bob Ross were, at the time, playing checkers in valhalla. I sipped my cup of instant Churchill (yet another of _**MY**_ ideas that FRICCING HURD STOLE) and shot back into the timeline I had been in last chapter. The population of Pantala was still there, waiting for me to return.

"Finally," Qibli the scavenger said. "Who are you exactly?"

I was so offended that I blasted him off the face of the planet (what is the planet even called? Seriously though, does anyone know?) with a single, cold, hard stare. While I was at it, I incinerated a few of the nearest dragons. "Who else doesn't know my name, EH?"

The other thousands of dragons were quiet.

I decided to conquer the tribes of the continent and become their mighty ruler. A few minutes later I was sitting in my newly constructed Thicc Hive, sipping Yorkshire Tea Gold. "Ahh, do you know the best part of all this, lowly servant?"

Darkstalker shook his head.

"The fact that all this is sponsored by… SPIFF CO!" I said as The Spiffing Brit finished exploiting existence with Reanu Keeves and Keanu Reeves respectively. Once I finished my absolutely magnificent Yorkshire Tea Gold, I headed onto Tripadvisor and gave Thicc Hive a five star review. I am all-knowing of course, but there was one thing I still needed to know… I quickly teleported into the Yahoo answers dimension and called out my question to the Yahoo gods.

"WANNA SPRITE CRANBERRY?!" I inquired. Suddenly, Le Bron and Big Chungus floated gracefully down to the lesser being (me). They handed were about to answer me, when I put my airpods in. From my amazing lip reading, I was pretty sure they were saying:

"Oh grow! He's not fizz hair bods in! Me aunt hear bus!" I shrugged at them while listening to Seagulls! Stop It Now!*

*Best song ever.

Quick interruption from me:

dON't FoRGeT tO SMASH dAt FoLLOw aND FaVOuRitE bUTtON!

Back to the story:

This story has been banned in China due to being too good.

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Pepe screamed as a result of this censoring. We fed Blue his own flamesilk and watched him burn from the inside out, because he was a witch.


	3. Noicest

**Mozart wants to: Know your location**

It was the big day. The stage was set, the lights were off and the camera was on. The crimson curtains opened.

"HobGOBLIN!" I sung in my best opera voice. The crowd went _wild_. But before they could give me a standing ovation, I absorbed them all.

Yoda complimented my illuminating Mozambican accent by yeeting Steve (from Minecraft) into the sun. We then all sat down to watch the heat death of the universe created by KFC's overload of deep-fried cassowary.

"Indubitably!" I replied to no one in particular. I wanted to end the chapter on that high note, but _apparently_ it was too short (that's what she said), so I continued. Bill Gates then purchased my life and sold it to Papple.* Fortunately, I had invested into the packing peanut industry, and gained enough money from selling my shares to buy Papple before they gained ownership of me and my brand, Airhorn Incorporated.

*It's a real freaking fruit. I'm not kidding.

Speaking of airhorns, I am currently regurgitating one right now as I write this. Don't take airhorns, kids - it might be tempting, but you'll regret it later in life. This has been your daily health tip. Don't eat airhorns - not even ONCE.

Anyway, I yeeted orebama into mars, and Elon Musk got jealous.


	4. Noice Announcementish Thing

**Press favourite to pay respects**

_Author's note: Somebody once told me… OK ZOOMER. Also - less importantly - this is a sort of announcement chapter._

I patted MLG Hurd on the head with so much force that he tunneled feet-first to the core of the earth. MLG Lorx then MLGishly decided to change the perspective to third-person while eating chamomile flowers.

All of a sudden, depression struck! MLG Lorx had literally only had 211 visitors in the whole month of November, and that's freaking sucky. He decided he may take a break from, not FanFiction itself, simply writing stories - as he wishes to work on his own tale. But he made sure to go out with a bang. And by that I mean he blew himself up while 5,000 kilotons of sodium by pouring it all into his soup.


End file.
